LIFE Without JANET.............

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Life is CHANGING for me.............

July 13, 2013

It has been 1 year and 6 months now since the second tragic lose in my life. JANET, who saved me after the first lose in my life of JOAN, how could it have been this long ?

It has been a struggle I must tell you, to move to a place where I want to go on living. That is still in question. Several people have entered my life during that period since Janet's death. All have been very caring and very supportive. Without them, I'm not sure I would be here to write this.

On June 11th of this year I was told that a Biopsy, taken a week earlier, of my Left Tonsil was positive for Squamous Cell Carcinoma HPV. Although the doctor told me it was not a death sentence, and was treatable, I just was not sure I cared. I have seen so much of this Cancer thing in my life, at 75 years old, it was hard to know if I felt like dealing with the battle.

The woman that I had met through correspondence, and was then spending time with when this occurred, Sheila Thompson-Ockey, was not willing to accept those thoughts, on my part, and urged...

Posted at: 03:01 PM | Permalink

Post No. 46

May 22, 2012

                                      Tuesday, May 22, 2012

It's me, back again, just wanted to post a few pictures from yesterday when I visited Janet's gravesite in Bolivar.

I am here in SW Missouri at Stockton Lake, 30 miles west of Bolivar, MO. I left the house in Arizona on Sunday, May 6, 2012. I will be making The Journey for the forseeable future. I am living in our 5th Wheel RV Rig, our home for the last 15 years.

RV at Stockton Lake - Current

I must tell you that I am NOT doing very well, nor do I expect to. Janet having to die, and not be able to fulfill her life's expectancies and feel the joys of those plans is totally unacceptable to me. She died less than 5 years after her Dad died, and her Mother is still living. That is not right, just not right. She deserved better than that ! !

Janet's Gravesite with our Truck

Janet's Gravesite Monument

I will Decorate Janet's gravesite on her Birthday, May 27th and again on Memorial Day May 30th.

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Post No. 45

January 17, 2012

                  Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The funeral, yesterday, went very much as JANET had planned it. I did my very best to assure that her wishes were fullfilled. She was laid to rest in the spot she had picked, there in Greenwood Cemetery, Bolivar, MO, with friends and family surrounding her. It is peaceful there, and many times so beautiful as the seasons change one following the other. 

We thank you all for your wonderful support thoughout our battle that was lost on January 12, 2012, I am sure you realize that the words that I am hearing are not helping much, although greatly appreciated. The pain of facing life without JANET is devestating me. No words have yet provided any relief from that devastating pain that has decended and has a powerful grip over me.
I have no idea how I might go on beyond this tremendous loss. I am missing the person who has made my life worth living these past 16 years. I am facing the worst part of my life, and I am not equipt to deal with it. In fact, I really am not wanting to.
I know that I must, as JANET had me promise, to her, that I would, I would do nothing...
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Post No. 44

January 15, 2012

                  Sunday, January 15, 2012

JANET's funeral has been scheduled at Butler Funeral Home here in Bolivar, MO. Visitation will be today at 3:00 - 5:00pm, Funeral services will be tomorrow, Monday, January 16 at the funeral home.

Please visit the funeral home Website:   where you will find JANET's Obituary with more detail.

I have been under a lot of stress here and should have had this to you folks sooner. I might add that I am not doing well, and will need a lot of help to get hold of this. I LOVE her so very much, my heart is aching with so much pain.

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Post No. 43

January 12, 2012

                  Thursday, January 12, 2012

Want to let you all know that JANET passed away this evening at 6:13pm CST here in Bolivar, MO her hometown.  We put up a good fight, but the Beast won.

I will Post the Arrangements we make, in the morning, here, as soon as I can.

Posted at: 09:14 PM | 2 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink

Post No. 42

January 9, 2012

                      Monday, January 9, 2012

We are on a roller coaster here. She is up and down. Down last night, I slept with her in Hospital bed, but she has times when she is not Janet. She dreams, and then wakes up somewhere else and is somebody else, does not know me, and is talking "crazy". She is wanting to do things she can't do, so I have to talk her through it, but last night nothing worked. Nurse says it's the disease, I think it's the meds, but actually no one knows. She can be very strong during these times. Hard to control if she wants to do something where she might get hurt. Bowels, although restricted are still functioning, so sometimes you can think that we may see a miracle.

Worst part is that she does not get much sleep and is continually moving, and I don't get any sleep either, must be alert for any changes. Eats virtually nothing, drinks very little. Both make her vomit which is very painful. The vomiting comes from her bowels and not the stomach alone. No one knows where this is going and when. It almost takes two people now to keep...
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Post No. 41

January 2, 2012

                    Monday, January 2, 2012

I fear that Janet is getting close, she has vomited every morning for the last three. She gets weaker by the day. Eats very little and her mind is getting very foggy, can't focus well. trouble with recall. She is however, still communicating with me, and still swallowing, both good things.

We are sitting here watching the Rose Parade on HGTV (commercial free) it's very enjoyable, we are reminiscing our trip, with Sue and Don Townsend (Rving friends) back on New Years Day 2000 Millennium (our 3rd Wedding Anniversary) to view the Parade. Actually, right about the spot where HGTV does there Telecast there on Orange Grove Blvd. This is an event that Janet just loves to watch, one of the big times in our travels was this trip to view the Parade. Janet's family history is in flowers, from her grandfather Teters Nursery, where she spent many hours helping her grandfather with the bedding plants, to riding with him in the delivery truck all over the Ozarks. Her father followed in the tradition by starting the Teters' Floral business where they developed and produced some of the most real artifical flowers to date. Her father...

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Post No. 40

December 30, 2011

                                  Friday, December 30, 2011

Janet gets weaker each day, doesn't eat much, just small portions several times a day. Nurse says she is not expending much energy so body does not demand much food. Had a good visit with her Hospice nurse today. She got me squared away on the Meds.

She still does everything for herself, sleeps a lot. We just took a ride in the car around town for abour 45 minutes and watched the sun go down. Pretty day here in SW Missouri.

We'll be watching the Broncos, hopefully beat the Chiefs this Sunday. Probably not going anywhere in the Playoffs if they win this game, but will be fun to see them get there anyway. Janet has become a big Broncos fan over the last 16 years. However, still loves to watch her grandson play for her high school football team, here in town, The Bolivar Liberators.

Janet has received confirmation, from our wonderful singing friend, Haley Hawkins-Toomey, down in Branson, that she will sing "Go Rest High on that Mountain" (song written by Vince Gill) at her funeral. She has her funeral plans almost complete now.


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Post No. 39

December 29, 2011

                                 Thursday, December 29, 2011

Hi everybody, I have heard your cry for information about Janet, There certainly has been some events in our lives since reaching Bolivar, and this lovely home that has been graciously provided by Janet's aunt Rosemary and uncle Al.

Janet had spoken with Dr. Shunyakov's office and gotten her appointment moved up to Tuesday from Thursday as you all know from the last Post. In order to have data for Dr Leo to review we spent Monday phoning the AZ MD Anderson people to get the CT scan taken there and the accompanying report sent to Dr Leo. What a hassle, CT scan had to be mailed, no overnight available, report was FAX'ed.

After getting set up here in the house, Sunday and Monday (Dec 18, 19), we found ourselves, Monday night, after going to bed, suspecting Janet might be having an obstruction. We went to ER around 12:30am, after taking a CT scan they felt she had a slight obstruction (CT was good thing as it gave Dr Leo what he needed for review of Janet's situation) before meeting with us.

It was arranged for Dr Leo to see Janet in the Hospital on...

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Post No. 38

December 21, 2011

                                       Wednesday, December 21, 2011

We arrived in Bolivar, MO (Janet's hometown) on Saturday, December 17 around 4:00pm. Janet was able to be comfortable for 95% of the trip. We had a couple difficult times, managing her pain meds was challenging, and getting in enough walking to motivate her digestive track to process gas, etc was also challenging.

The house here is very comfortable, we are so fortunate to have this house, provided by her Aunt Rosemary and husband Al, who live in Norman, Oklahoma. Shortly after we arrived we were visited by her girlfriends, most from high school, others, friends made throughout her life in Bolivar. Those ladies, along with Janet's daughter-in-law Melissa had spent the day cleaning the house and decorating it for Christmas. They washed the linens, made the beds and also had stocked the kitchen with food (homemade soup, cookies, sweet bread, milk, etc). Address here is 908 N Main Ave, Bolivar, MO 65613.

We have spent the last few days getting settled in here, and have become very comfortable. The house is less than 3/4 mile from town square, right at the same distance from the Hospital and Cancer Center and a block from the nursing home where...

Posted at: 10:19 AM | 14 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink

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